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I've had a lot of first dates, but nothing beyond that. The idea of casual sex and one-night stands sounds great—but in reality, moving that quickly with someone I don't know or trust freaks me out, causes me to shut down, and prevents me from enjoying anything.

Even thinking about going home with someone causes me to panic. But now that I'm single, it seems like this big, scary thing.

I'm a 33-year-old woman from Melbourne, Australia, dating a 24-year-old man.

We've been dating for about eight months; it is exclusive and official.

He's kind and sweet, caring and giving, and his penis is divine. The only time I see him really "feel" is when he's high, which he is semi-frequently.

The thing is, he confessed to me recently that he doesn't really "feel." The way he explained it is, the only emotions he feels are fear and anxiousness that he'll disappoint the people he cares about. He uses MDMA and he comes alive—he seems the way a "normal" person does when they're in love.

I was in a long-term relationship that ended about two years ago.

I started dating this past year, but I'm not really clicking with anyone.

The answer—how you go home with someone without panicking—is so obvious, SCARED, that I'm guessing your therapist has already suggested it: Have sex with someone you know and trust.

You didn't have any issues having sex with your ex because you knew and trusted him.

Had I known that he needed her in his life this badly, I would have taken some time to sit with my feelings and figure out where my discomfort with her was coming from and tried to move through it.

We are in an open relationship, but his relationship with her crosses what we determined as our "cheating" boundary: hiding a relationship.

The trick is to keep going on dates until you finally click with someone.

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